For many busy adults, the holidays can become an overwhelming time – we finish the decorating, navigate through crowded malls to complete our shopping, host a big family dinner, attend Christmas parties, and somehow still manage the day-to-day stuff we always do!
Visiting our elderly parents over the holidays can be particularly difficult. Many of us feel guilty if, upon arriving for Christmas, we see mom and dad aren’t doing so well; perhaps dad’s memory is failing, mom is having trouble getting around the house, and they haven’t been able to take the garbage to the curb for weeks.
We feel like it’s our responsibility – our obligation – to take the lead on figuring out how to keep them safe and healthy, but there’s just no time between travel, work, our kids, and everything else.
This is a completely normal feeling. The first thing you must do is remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. The second thing to remember is you are not alone.
Many of us feel guilty because we feel a huge range of emotions, from feeling inadequate, to feeling overly-responsible, to second-guessing our decisions. It can make the time spent with our parents guilt-ridden and stressful.
That’s why, although it may be hard to initiate serious conversations about the future, it’s important to start the discussion before you are dealing with a crisis.
Take advantage of the holiday season when the whole family is gathered together and initiate a discussion about how to help your elderly parents. And be sure to include your parents!
Proactively initiating these conversations during the holidays can give you peace of mind moving into next year. It may be difficult to move the conversation forward at times, if siblings or your parents are resistant, dismissive, or try to distract from the discussion – but if you stick to it, you can make progress.
Below, we detail a few critical tips for having this important conversation with your family over the holidays:
- Be respectful of everyone’s viewpoint.
- If you can, have discussions and then collectively make decisions with your parents while they are still able to express their wishes. Make sure Powers of Attorneys for Personal Care and for Property reflect those decisions.
- Financial preparedness is a common source of conflict – do your best to get ahead of it, determine what costs might be for health needs, different accommodation, etc., and start a financial plan early on.
- If your parents are thinking about moving into a supportive environment so they can get additional help, suggest that you visit a few places together. Perhaps arrange for a lunch so you and your parents can see the environment.
- If mom or dad are already at risk and are not being cared for properly at home, you and your siblings may have to be firm about safety and reasonable alternatives.
- Focus on small victories to help keep feelings of being overwhelmed and guilty at bay.
Start having the conversation now. Plan ahead now so you and your parents can be prepared for what the future may bring rather than waiting for the midnight crisis phone call.
Your parents. Our priority. Silver Sherpa offers a unique combination of healthcare expertise, business knowledge, and project management to help the elderly and their families. Schedule a call with us to discuss your needs.
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