The Realities of Caregiving: The Dreaded Phone Call at 11:00pm
“I’m watching the evening news. The phone rings. It’s late. I quickly do a role call in my head of where my family are – grown kids, elderly parents in care.
The call is from the Care Manager at my Mother’s assisted living residence. She’s had a fall and they can’t get her up off the floor. They’ve called 911. They want me to meet her in the Emergency Room at the hospital.
I rush to the residence just a few minutes’ drive from my home. The paramedics have her on a stretcher. She’s confused and breathing heavily. They are concerned that she may have broken something or hit her head. She keeps repeating that she has shingles. The reality is that she had shingles, over two years ago, and suffers from phantom pain. With her advanced dementia, she is confused. Off to the hospital we go…
At 1:45am we see a physician. Mom can’t remember her last name or why she is there. She tells him that she has shingles. “She doesn’t have shingles,” I repeat for what feels like the twenty-second time. After a thorough exam and X-rays, the physician determines that nothing is broken; she’ll likely be bruised and swollen. She can’t walk. They want to discharge her. I remind them that she can’t walk and that she arrived in an ambulance. I’m told that return transportation is my responsibility. I pull out my phone and start searching. It’s 2:45am. I spend twenty minutes trying to find a transportation company. The first three companies are booked. I have to work in the morning. I finally find a company that will pick Mom up within the hour for $145.
I crawl into bed at 4:25am. This is the 3rd late night phone call in the last 3 weeks. I’m exhausted. If I hadn’t been there, Mom would likely still be in the hospital, likely in quarantine because of her “shingles”.
This vignette is a real-life snapshot of what our clients face each day. Caregiving continues around the clock even if Mom or Dad are living in a retirement home or assisted living facility. Most facilities have policies in place that if a resident has an unobserved fall or a possible injury, they call 911 and paramedics transport to the hospital. ER staff can have a difficult time determining what happened. They have no electronic health record for reference, and unless a family member or friend is present, no real idea on how to manage this person with dementia.
The healthcare system is under extreme pressure.
Many families and seniors often tell us that they will be looked after by the healthcare system. However ‘hallway medicine’ is a new term that has been coined in Ontario to describe the numerous people who are treated in hallways, sometimes for days, while they are waiting for a hospital bed. The Canadian Institute for Health Information suggests that over the next 20 years, Canada’s senior’s population will grow by 68%. What we are seeing today is only the tip of the iceberg in eldercare.
As a caregiver, what can you do?
If you are the primary caregiver of an elderly person, start a health/wellbeing journal with key information. Keep it with you so you have important numbers at your fingertips.
Include such items as:
- Key medical history such as diagnoses, recent surgeries, last X-rays, etc.
- Dates of hospitalization or trips to the ER and reasons why
- Current medications and how to take them. For example, crush larger pills.
- Prescriptions for hearing aids, eyeglasses, etc.
- Current care likes and dislikes. For example, try ice cream if upset.
- Names and contact details for caregivers, retirement home managers, etc.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
The reality is that caregiving for an elderly parent or loved one can often require a significant time commitment on the part of the caregiver and often for much longer than anticipated. In a national study on caregiving, it was reported that working caregivers provide an average of almost 11 hours a week of caregiving per senior for over six years. That is on top of their paid employment and other responsibilities such as a busy family life. Without a strong support system in place, this is a recipe for burnout within a few months! As we’ve discussed previously in a blog on working sons and daughters, eldercare responsibilities often lead to caregivers dropping out of the workforce or taking on less demanding roles in order to meet the demands of eldercare.
If you find yourself in the midst of an eldercare crisis and feeling overwhelmed, reach out for help. At Silver Sherpa, we can assist in coordinating care, following up with providers, bundling and simplifying costs, and more to help you resolve immediate dilemmas and put a plan in place to cope with subsequent challenges.
About Silver Sherpa
Silver Sherpa offers a unique combination of healthcare expertise, estate planning knowledge, and project management skills to help the elderly and families. Get in touch with us to discuss your needs – it can be as brief as 15 minutes or as long as you need.
